Some say love is a vibration, then so is hate, and every emotion must too, hold a vibration.

Have you ever walked into a room, and felt the energy of the room?

Does it give you a good or bad feeling?

That’s a vibration. Simple!

We don’t need rocket science to identify a vibration.

So, what is love?

…………and what is hate?

Love is a journey

After my parents divorce at the age of 14, my world and foundation…. and concept of love I grew up with, abruptly ceased to exist.

Shortly after, my mother moved to the other side of the world…literally from England to Australia…in pursuit of love coincidentally! I resided with my father who later, disowned me, shortly after my 18th birthday.

It was a harsh thrust into the adult world.

Consequently, in my early twenties, I struggled with finding contentment with any type of love vibration. I experienced the ups and downs of love, hate and mental debate along with insomnia, bulimia and chronic endometriosis.

My lack in self worth landed myself in a physically abusive relationship….which I believed at the time was based on love and it was my fault for failing my father.

I was so wrong.

Love is never violent, shallow or loving of a image

On a Paris Catwalk 1995

The young woman in the above photo is walking a cat walk in Paris. This is a photo of me taken in 1995 age 22.

Some may be in awe, even in love with the idea of her.

But, on the catwalk, the young woman was sporting a painful black eye. The make up artist used heavy make up to even up her eyes. And so she seemingly walked down a Parisian catwalk with two black eyes.

I recall walking down the catwalk, cameras flashing, people ooing and ahhing as I swayed and turned, commenting on how beautiful I looked. My inner world a mess. I remember thinking to myself, this is all so wrong.

The world of modelling, where image is priority, is probably one of the worst industries for building self-worth.

This day was a turning point for me. It was time for me to discover self-love.

I understood the concept of love, but was yet to embody the experience of it.

The Art of Self Love

Come April 2005, age 33, I fell pregnant with my first child. It was unplanned, a miracle even, as I had accepted a childless life with my chronic endometriosis.

The inner glow I felt with this child was something new to me. It felt warm and loving.

I embraced the future and basked in this feeling of love and acceptance.

But this child had a heart defect beyond repair. A boy, I named James, I gave birth to him and had to let him go. The emotion of grief and love was overpowering.

By a miracle, during the short time of knowing him, I learnt to love and take care of myself through him. He taught me so much about self- love. It was pure, unconditional love.

I made a promise to him that I would love myself from that day forth.

Awakening to love and your own story

When I started to write this blog today, I was excited to write a blog on Love, but had little ideas formed as to what I would actually write about.

But now I realise as I write, love is a story, its my story, its your story and its a journey.

The hate around me has played its part in enabling me to step onto a journey in self love and understanding what love is.

Perhaps its the experience of what love is not, can empower us to truly understand and appreciate what love is.

Believe in love

I have never given up on love. Despite low self-worth for many years, I knew I wanted a family one day and all the love that can come with it. But, I had lots of figuring out to do first.

At the age of 42 years, I finally met my husband. I am today experiencing my love vibration. It takes work, and most importantly, the setting of healthy boundaries and Leaps of Faith! Today, now in my fifties, I have learnt through experience to make wiser choices.

With our children from previous relations, we get on famously with plenty of laughs … and love!

Take a Leap of Faith

My publications, A Leap of Faith and An Artists Story share my journeys out of love, hate and mental debate into taking a Leap of Faith, in inspirational prose, normal write and colourful art.

For all the reasons I cannot explain, adversity has helped me find love.

You can too!

With Love and a Leap of Faith…

Anna Jane