In this blog, I explore the impact of narcissistic abuse on personal relationships and self-discovery. You learn about recognising narcissistic traits, breaking free from toxic patterns, and finding empowerment and love later in life. Discover how responsibility and kindness shape our journey.
Character Defamation- Narcissism
During my two years of formal studies in Transpersonal Art Therapy and Psychology, the concept of narcissism was not a central focus. Yet, among the various biological, psychodynamic, behavioural, cognitive, and humanistic approaches, narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) today appears to influence our songs, social media, and lives prominently.
Once you become the target of narcissistic abuse, your character is continuously defamed. Is it your fault? Only if existing and breathing are faults; otherwise, it is not.
Today, narcissism and gaslighting are common. Often stemming from a childhood lacking love, adults develop manipulative ways to earn affection and achieve their desires. And, as the saying goes, a leopard never changes its spots.
Recognising Narcissism
Once you become aware of narcissistic traits, they become unmistakably clear. This realisation, however, can take time, especially in close relationships like those with a parent or lover. Common traits include:
- Being Labelled: mentally ill, psychotic, cold hearted, unstable
- Gas lighting, creating self-doubt & confusion
- Never receiving a compliment
- Knowing your place in the face of grandiosity
- Manipulation, greed, envy and dishonesty at work
- An ex hating you more than loving the child you had together
If you move on successfully, beware of self-victimisation; you may be blamed for their shortcomings. No matter how hard you try, the result remains the same.
Breaking the pattern – Surviving Narcissism
I didn’t realise I had attracted narcissistic personas until my husband, himself a victim, pointed it out to me when we first met. Why do we attract such people? Reflecting on my past, I see my conditioning passed down through generations, likely starting with guilt over my father’s abandonment.
My reaction was to show unconditional love and understanding. Without boundaries or maturity, I surrendered to a life as a doormat. Recognising and breaking free from these patterns requires self-work. The word “survivor” is much more appealing to me, and becoming one is liberating!
The Finding Love Bit
I met my husband later in life, at 43. I was never married and a single parent. We were unprepared for the attempted disruptions to our newfound love and joy. What had we done wrong by finding love? We defied the narrative that we were cold-hearted and incapable of forming relationships.
Initially, I didn’t understand the narcissistic mind and tried reasoning with it for peace. But you cannot reason with a narcissist, and empathy only fuels them. Ten years on, we remain happy together. Like many, we have our challenges, but life is a challenge! We work to bring love and joy back into our relationship, setting a foundation for the future.
Doing the good work
When opportunities arise, make wise choices. When you gain power, be kind. I’ve seen many rise and fall as their ego momentarily surfs the wave before crashing. I believe the ultimate test in life is how we handle power. Are you masterful and kind, or do you act like a callous fool, burning those around you?
Responsibility is Power
Remember, blame robs you of responsibility, and responsibility is power!!
With Love
Anna Jane X
About Anna Jane
I have an entrepreneurial mindset and a heart that loves poetry and art. Visit my website to learn more!
Leap of Faith Wellness with Anna Jane https://leapoffaithwellness.com.au/
