LIFE!

LIFE!

LIFE!

The year is 2005, the month of April, it’s Easter time.

Bending over the toilet, the shots of tequila I had just consumed in my drowning arena of emotion brought shivers to my depressed state, quickly lead me to dry reaching them back up and out of my body. And then I felt it, this warmth radiating from within me, so warm and soothing I reached down to my stomach ….

For the last two weeks, the universe had been screaming at me, “ Anna’s pregnant!” so said my neighbour talking to her friend then quickly apologising for her freuden slip as I walked past her. “No worries” I had said as I continued on my way to my weekend work as a massage therapist at the local wellness centre…(the one I came to buy about a year later and transform into the Leap of Faith wellness centre )

My state of denial and depression was keeping me locked in my own perfected self sabotaging self hate that I privately shared with myself. The emotions of Love, hate and mental debate were my swinging pendulum at that time back in 2005 which later came to be the title of my first written section in my book ” A Leap of Faith” where I share plenty of debating emotions in poetic form

I realised I had not had a period for a while, I was maybe day 35 of my cycle. My life long curse since puberty with chronic endometriosis gave me no reason to think anything was amiss and there was no way my decrepit womb could house a baby. Below is a painting I did around the same time to share the tug of war I would experience inside my womb every month.

ENDOMETRIOSIS

A baby would be a blessing! But I was not married, in a relationship yes and my English heritage would scorn down on the idea of pregnancy outside of marriage, hence giving birth to a modern day “bastard” child was not on my current to do list, besides my boyfriend was much younger than me to the degree I had repeatedly dumped him urging him to find a younger woman and go travel and live his life! I was 33, he 23, the more I stretched the elastic band, the quicker he catapulted back and our connection held no age limit.

My inner child was in pain. I was lost inside, a model figure on the outside serving zero purpose to my spiritual journey only attracting ego after ego who wanted a taste of this long legged creature with big lips. Inside a shell I was, smiling pretty as outside energy devoured me from inside out.

And so, a pregnancy test, along with the painting, confirmed I was pregnant. A boy. I knew immediately this was a boy! What was I to do? Write, paint and figure it all out!

Love Anna Jane x

LIFE

A dot, to start

Encased by comfort

Pounding, warm soothing

Kept

It grows as it feeds

Pressing,

Against its encasing walls

Yet, it remains in comfort

It kicks

Absorbing from the exterior

Penetrating through

The walls of its place

Until, one day

It becomes…

LIFE

An Artists Story (2013) Available on Amazon

2 Comments
  • romantik69.co.il

    May 25, 2022 at 8:17 am Reply

    Itís hard to find experienced people about this subject, however, you sound like you know what youíre talking about! Thanks

    • Anna Jane Wilson

      May 25, 2022 at 10:52 am Reply

      Thanks for your comment, hope you continue to enjoy and comment:)

Post a Comment